The day after kicking Husband out, I decided to look at our cellphone account. It was shocking, to say the least. At first, it didn’t look that bad. A handful of texts to and from Evil Bitch. I could get past that. Then, I looked back further.
In six months time, there were approximately 3,000 texts. 3,000! That’s a novel, not a phone record! I have done the math; it averages out to about 16 texts a day. I looked at one month where he and I had 232 texts. He and EB had 859. Ouch.
While the initial shock still soaked through me, I started looking at individual dates and times. It took my breath away. On Halloween, I stayed home to pass out candy, while Husband walked our son through the neighborhood. He texted her the whole time. Around Christmas, my daughter was dancing in a ballet. I wasn’t feeling well, but always took her to rehearsals so that Husband wouldn’t have to after a long day at work. While I sat in a dark theater, he was home, texting her. Because I was still so nauseous from the toxicity issue, I spent most nights on the couch next to a bucket. Meanwhile, he laid in our bed texting her. He texted her in the mornings on the way to work, and in the afternoons on his way home. He texted her through the day from work. Husband has been very unhappy with his current job, so last fall, he interviewed with a company five hours away. He texted her while he was driving there, and the entire time he was gone. In November, Husband had to leave the country for a week for his job. The day he left, we texted back and forth while he waited to board his plane. We texted 18 times. He and EB? 77 times. Again, ouch. Last March, Husband spent the night at my parents’ home a couple hours away. My mom told me he pretty much ignored them, and sat in a chair texting all night. You get the idea of who was important to him.
The funny thing is that Husband truly didn’t seem to think he and EB texted all that much. So, what’s a wife to do? I’ll tell you exactly what she does: she prints out the damn phone records. I printed them out, clipped them together and handed Husband the one inch stack of papers. He honestly did seem as shocked as I first was. He thumbed through them, all the while looking down, shaking his head and telling me he had no idea it had been that much. I’ll bet that denial felt good while it lasted!
Now, keep in mind–this was only TEXTING. There were photos sent. Husband also had a personal e-mail account and a work e-mail account. There were Facebook messages until he closed his account halfway through their relationship. At least there were no celllphone calls made. He told me they never met up, nor have they ever called one another. I guess that would’ve been crossing a line?
Looking back, I’m a little angry with myself. Before it all came out, I KNEW something was wrong. I truly suspected Husband and EB were still texting, even though he told me that they weren’t anymore. It had even crossed my mind that they may be meeting up. I turned away. I didn’t want to believe it, or have to address it. It seemed messy, and I didn’t want to come across as the jealous wife. I wish I had the ovaries to put an end to it long before I did. I wish I would’ve told him from the beginning that it was inappropriate, and that I wouldn’t stand for it. Lesson learned: if I am ever again faced with being uncomfortable with a relationship my husband is in, I WILL speak up. Loudly! And it doesn’t hurt to have passwords to all accounts either.